Monday, November 7, 2011
Satan and Al Davis talk football
SATAN: "Al, oh Al, it's been a rough few weeks for you down here. How would you like a break and see your old team play one more time?"
AL DAVIS: "Really, Satan? You'd do that for me? I thought this was supposed to be Hell."
SATAN: "Of course. You were one of my best servants on earth. It's the least I can do."
AL DAVIS: "Who are we playing this week, anyway? As you know my memory hasn't been what it used to be."
SATAN: "You'll really enjoy this matchup, Al. The Denver Broncos are visiting the Black Hole. Get this - the Broncos are starting Tim Tebow now at quarterback. I so enjoyed watching the Lions rough up that favorite son of the "other side" last week. The Broncos lost 45-10, Timmy had a 3.4 total quarterback rating and was sacked 7 times."
AL DAVIS: "Tebow??!!! Oh this sounds delightful. Can I get visitation rites to Hue Jackson before the game?"
SATAN: "You know, Al, we limit visits from the Dark Side. But for this one time, I'll allow it."
AL DAVIS: "Good. I'll tell Hue to make sure we give Timmy a proper Raider welcome to the NFL. Hits to the head. Cheap shots out of bounds. You know - Raider football!"
SATAN: "Sounds wonderful, Al. I think I'll take Sunday off to watch this myself!"
AL DAVIS: "I have a funny feeling about this, though, Satan. How do I know this isn't one of your tricks? When we had our "deal" on Earth you screwed me a few times. The Lytle fumble. The Immaculate Reception."
SATAN: "Al, Al, you are forgetting the good things I did for you and the Raiders. Getting Willie Brown to Oakland from the downtrodden Broncos in the 60's. And of course arranging for Josh McDaniels to be Broncos head coach."
AL DAVIS: "You're right Satan. I forgot about McDaniels. That was a biggie. Ok I'm in. How about the refs? Will one of your crews be working the game?"
SATAN: "Sorry Al. My boys can only work one Denver/Oakland game a year. Remember that personal foul call on the Broncos defense in the final 2 minutes that clinched the Monday night opener for the Silver and Black? That was my crew. Thought I'd give you one last Raider victory over the Broncos to enjoy in your last days as a thank you for your many years of service to the cause."
AFTER THE GAME:
AL DAVIS: "Satan - you did it to me again!!!! 31 points in the second half by the Broncos??? Tebow running for 118 yards & passing for two td's??? My Raiders losing 38-24 to the lowly Broncos??? Oh the agony!!!!"
SATAN: "Where do you think you are, Al, Heaven? One of my better tortures if I do say so myself. I could have done without Tebow thanking the Big Guy after the game though."
AL DAVIS: "One last question, Satan. What was Carson Palmer doing as quarterback of my Raiders? Last time I saw him he was roasting hot dogs at a USC tailgate party in September!"
SATAN: "To add to your sentence down here, Al, I arranged for the Raiders to trade 2 future #1 draft picks to the Bengals for the 31 year old quarterback. How do you like that?"
AL DAVIS: "No!!!!! No!!!!! Not that!!!! This will guarantee years of awful Raider football!!!!"
SATAN: "And I'll make sure you have a front row seat to watch it all."